If you have ADHD, try practicing "chaotic discipline"

Quick update: I’m writing a book all about chaotic discipline! But because of that, I need to take my own advice and scale back on 1:1 coaching. If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one, you can join the waitlist here and I’ll send you an email as soon as slots open back up.

I started feeling better once I realized that my ADHD requires chaotic discipline not regular discipline, meaning some days I’ll be on fire and some days I need to be a potato, and being a potato some days helps me be on fire other days.

For years, I struggled with (and hated myself as a result of) the traditional concept of discipline. The one where we’re supposed to reject the idea that we’re human beings with variable capacities in order to best approximate machines with consistent daily output.

It’s the kind of model that is an absolute nightmare for an ADHD brain and our fluctuating energy levels, which often come in bursts and lulls. And it’s one that made me consistently feel like a Bad Adult for not being more consistent.

So after many years of struggling to fit the mold and feeling like shit as a result, I started practicing something different. Instead of aiming for the rigid sameness of traditional discipline, I started playing with a more chaotic approach to match my chaotic spirit.

It’s what I like to call chaotic discipline.

What is Chaotic Discipline?

Chaotic discipline is rooted in the acceptance that some days, you’re unstoppable and you can accomplish more in three hours than many people do in three weeks. Ideas come easily and tasks get checked off with less suffering. Things just feel lighter and easier.

And then there are the potato days, which are days when your executive function yeets itself into the garbage, and the most you can do is the absolute bare minimum. I used to feel so much shame about these days. I viewed them as concrete evidence that I couldn’t do what “normal” people do; that I was destined to feel like a lazy failure for a lifetime.

But then I realized: These potato days aren’t actually failures, they're an essential component of my chaotic discipline system.

Energy Rhythms: The Balance Between Fire and Potato

Potato days and fire days are kind of like the cycle of the seasons. Just as nature doesn't maintain the same energy year-round, moving from the vibrancy of spring and summer to the quiet restoration of winter, our brains also have natural rhythms. We are part of nature, after all!

During potato days, as long as you accept them (more on that below), your brain recharges. It sorts through and processes the immense mental and emotional input from higher-energy periods, much like the earth rests and repairs during winter. These recovery periods are literally essential because without them, our energy fades and fades until any semblance of a productive day feels impossibly out of reach.

Accepting the Potato Days is the Key

When I feel a potato day lurking now, I make a conscious effort to accept it. This doesn’t mean I like them. A potato day when you have a full list of to-dos is very annoying. But I also know that the more I accept and lean into these potato days, the fewer of them I need.

When you're “resting” but resisting it the entire time, berating yourself because "I should be productive right now," I regret to inform you: You’re not resting. You’re existing in a horizontal purgatory of self-punishment, which is taxing and stressful while preventing the very rest you're trying to get.

Now, please believe I’m not saying ignore your very real responsibilities or deadlines because your brain is mashed potatoes. Most of us don’t have the luxury of doing that. But what I AM saying is give yourself permission to only do what absolutely needs to be done that day—I’m talking the bare minimum—and let other things wait until you have more in you..

When you fully accept the potato days, you need fewer of them

When you’re not bogged down by shame and self-judgment during lower-energy days, giving yourself full permission to rest when you need it, your brain and body can actually start restoring their resources, which means more fire days at your disposal.

This acceptance has also helped me better recognize the early signs of needing a potato day. Instead of pushing myself until I completely burn out and am forced to stop and rest, I can often sense when I need to slow down and take rest before I’m empty. This awareness helps me plan better and actually makes both my productive and rest periods more effective.