Why ADHDers procrastinate things we ENJOY doing

Hint: it's not procrastination

Lots of ADHDers identify as procrastinators, but if you’re avoiding something you actually want to do, something you enjoy doing, that’s not procrastination, my friend. That right there is executive dysfunction.

Your brain goblin may think this is controversial, but even if you’re avoiding something you don’t want to do, like submitting expense reports, that’s often not procrastination either.

It’s, again, executive dysfunction.

This distinction is important because when we identify as procrastinators, it becomes harder to do everything.

It makes us believe we’re struggling because we’re Bad Adults. And when we believe that, we stop looking for ways to make things easier because we don’t believe it’s possible. Instead, we berate ourselves for not being able to “just do it.”

To be fair, if it were regular degular procrastination, “just do it” is actually reasonable advice because it means we have the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual resources needed to do the thing, we’re just choosing not to because meh.

But with executive dysfunction, “just do it” is garbage advice because we’re not simply choosing not to do it. More often, we’re struggling because something about it is hard to approach.

Maybe the task is too vague or feels too much like a high-pressure demand. Maybe the first step is secretly 12 steps but your brain hasn’t realized that so it just sees it as a nebulous blob with no edges to grab onto. Maybe it requires decisions you haven’t made yet or intellectual or emotional bandwidth you can’t access right now.

I actually like that sometimes ADHDers “procrastinate” things we genuinely enjoy because it makes it crystal clear that executive dysfunction is a real thing, and it has nothing to do with us being willful, petulant, or lazy. This is helpful counter evidence we can present when the brain goblin tries to gaslight us into thinking otherwise.

That said, I also hate it.

Because what do you MEAN I finally have free time to do a hobby I love or watch a great movie and instead of doing it, I sit frozen in a purgatory of self-punishment, trying to will myself to move toward THE THING I WANT TO DO.

It’s madness.

Why this happens

There are a few different reasons ADHDers “procrastinate” things we want to do:

1. Sometimes we’re stuck at initiation

A lot of the time, an activity only becomes fun once we’re already inside it. If we still have to choose the project, gather the supplies, clear the space, remember where we left off, and transition out of whatever we’re currently doing, that’s a lot steps and executive dysfunction we have to overcome before we get to the thing, which can be especially challenging for a burnt out and overwhelmed ADHD brain.

2. Sometimes the first few minutes suck

Even if we manage to start doing the thing, often, the first few minutes suck. Reading may feel amazing once we’re absorbed, but the first few pages can feel like trying to shove a whole universe of thoughts through a teeny tiny hole. Knitting might feel good once we’ve settled in, but when we first sit down, our brain is still vibrating, telling us about everything we’re not doing because we’re doing this instead.

So we may avoid the thing because we’re anticipating the struggle of those first few minutes.

3. Sometimes it becomes a demand

When something we love becomes the plan, our brain may start treating it like an obligation. Suddenly it’s not “I get to read tonight,”; it’s “I should read tonight because I said I would, and I need to prove I’m a person who follows through.”

And once it becomes a high-pressure demand, even if self-imposed, the whole thing can start to feel heavier and less accessible because it’s no longer something we’re doing for fun; it’s something we’re doing to prove that we’re serious, consistent, or otherwise Worthy with a capital W.

4. Sometimes we’re too tired

If we’ve spent the day pushing through tasks that required heavy executive function, then by the time we get to the thing we actually want to do, we have nothing left for it. Even the stuff we enjoy often requires attention, presence, choice, coordination, creativity, and frustration tolerance. And when we’re fried, it can feel like one more tiring obligation sitting there with its little hands out.

5. Sometimes our expectations are too high

When we've been looking forward to something all week, we often develop an expectation that doing it will feel so frickin’ amazing. Life affirming, even! But when the time to do it actually rolls around, some part of our brain feels like it’s not or won’t be as good as we imagined it or it’s not the exact right time or mood, so we lose our enthusiasm for it.

Cool, so how do I do things I enjoy????

Hi, it’s me again, saying the same thing I always say, which is that I’m unaware of a foolproof way to fix this. But there are practices that make it easier.

Here are some things I do to make it easier to connect with the things I enjoy.

I lower the cost of initiation

Generally, the closer and more accessible the things I want to do are, the easier it is for me to do them. So when I’m deep in a yoga phase, I keep the yoga mat rolled out on the floor. If I want to crochet, I keep my current project in a bag with everything I need for it so I don’t have to go on a bunch of little side quests before I begin. The less friction between me and the thing, the more likely I am to do it.

I lower the demand

Things we enjoy are supposed to be fun! Demands? NOT FUN! (This is a Summer House reference my fellow Bravo heads)

So to lower the demand, I don’t tell myself I need to read for an hour, finish a whole project, or become a Woman Who Is Excellent at Leisure and casually paints a masterpiece at golden hour.

I tell myself I’m gonna read one page or doodle with watercolors badly or spend a few minutes relaxing with something fun. This lowers the demand and pressure around the thing, which makes it easier to approach and sink into.

I expect the first few minutes to be uncomfortable

Speaking of sinking in, if I expect the thing to immediately be fun, then I feel very deflated and demotivated when it’s almost always not. So now, I anticipate that the first few minutes will be a little uncomfortable while my brain and body settle into what I’m doing.

Simply knowing this can help me get through those moments because I’m not interpreting the discomfort as a sign that I don’t actually want to do the thing AND I know it usually fades and eventually turns into something fun. It’s just the transition tax I have to pay before I get to enjoyment.

I reward myself before I start

Sometimes I reward myself before I start as a way to create a gentler, dopamine-fueled on-ramp to the thing.

So I might make a fancy, yummy tea before I read or put on a comfort show while I crochet. Or turn on a playlist I like to rev me up to get started. This gives my brain an immediate reward while I’m moving toward the often slower but highly nourishing reward of doing an activity I enjoy.

I don’t wait for the exact right mood

In general, motivation almost always follows action, meaning we have to move before we feel motivated. So waiting until I properly feel like doing the thing I enjoy often keeps me waiting for a lifetime because I usually don’t get in the mood for it until after I start doing it.

Knowing that helps me release the expectation that it will be instantly fun and makes it slightly easier to move toward because I know fun is often waiting on the other side.

I practice disentangling fun things from my worth and identity

The more I turn something I enjoy into proof that I’m creative, disciplined, healed, interesting, consistent, or properly using my free time, the harder it becomes to approach because now the thing is demanding that I better do it right or I’m a big fucking loser!

How fun!

Instead of that, I practice reminding myself over and over that doing a thing doesn’t need to be proof that I’m a well-regulated adult woman with excellent leisure habits. In fact, treating it that way makes it harder to be said woman.

Instead, the thing can just be a thing I touch for a little while because I like it. Not only can it be; dare I say, it should be.

I rest liberally

ADHD brains often spend enormous energy on basic self-management, filtering distractions, regulating emotions, tracking time, making decisions, masking, and forcing focus. So even when the day doesn’t look “that hard” from the outside, our nervous system is often doing a ton of invisible labor. And we need to recover from it if we want to have any energy left for the things we enjoy!

So now I give myself full permission to rest before I’m fully depleted.

I protect rest the same way I protect all my other needs and obligations, otherwise I struggle to enjoy anything about my life at all. And this feels very important when I consider that we’re all going to die.

I also make most plans for 50%-me instead of 100%-me so I don’t steadily burn myself into the ground with a packed schedule and still have some attention, patience, and energy left for the things I enjoy.

By now, you may be thinking: okay, that’s great and all for the things I want to do, but how do I do the things I don’t enjoy but have to do. In which case, you can check out this post: How to make things easier with ADHD

Other posts you might like:

Why ADHDers will forge a new life path just to avoid opening the mail

Self-care for ADHDers that isn't f*cking journaling or meditating

ADHD & the grief of "wasted potential"